Yes, I said happy. I think I’ve finally hit through the glass ceiling with the help of a Lexapro battering ram and I’m calm enough to not be anxious about the falling shards. Nice metaphor, don’tcha think? But over all, I am feeling better, as a whole. I want to get my housework done so I can attack the things in my life that need attention. I was thinking th Zolpadin was the extra little push I needed but it seems to making me want to sleep more if I’ve had a hard day the day before. Like now, I know is expecting me to get up and work to show off how well she has trained me in front of her husband, but all I want to do is just curl up in my bed and give myself to the dreams and unhindered thoughts.
Looking back on that statement I can see where the anger is still trying to re-piece the ceiling back to keep me where the anger can reach me and I’m not going to allow it. C is one of my biggest pokers. She is a lot like my mom. When I was doing 1hr. a day in different rooms during the week, she looked at me and told me that I was doing a good job, in a sort of condescending way. She probably didn’t mean it that way, but that’s the way I took it. Only I can decided how things can affect me. I need to stop and take a breath and relax. I’m trying to learn the Young Womens Creed’ whatever it’s called breaking it up so i can take in long deep breaths and remind myself of the things that I want to be, need to be happy. I need to conjure up images for the corresponding values so I can flip through the images and know what it means if I don’t have the wherewithal to remember the words.
Well, no more hiding in the void. I need to find some Tylenol, suck it up, and get the kitchen, family room, and Mom’s room tidied up for tonight. Three hours of work. Yikes!!! That’ll teach me to letting things slide. Dumb Bunny!