The Ups, Downs and Pratfalls of Anger

So, I’ve been off my anti-anxiety pills for close to a week now, and I have to say, I’m doing much better than I anticipated.  I’ve also, for some inexplicable reason, stopped taking all my mental and physical meds, I guess to see what happens.  I’m grumblely, meaning when I’m asked to do something I grumble and moan behind the backs of the people that are demanding it of me.  Sometimes I put things away rather abruptly, but I’m not harsh to the other person.  Grant it, I’m not very mobile and I really resent the idea that I’m still expected to clean and play step-and-fetch it.

But the up feeling that I have from the fall-out of the whole “I’m ashamed of the way you look” BS, after my shopping, and I still stroke my purse like it’s a wonder in my life, I’m still feeling over all, very good about myself and about what I did.  True, I still haven’t hung up my new clothes, they aren’t the symbols of my up-yours like I thought they’d be, but rather a side effect.  I’m never going to change who I am innately to please two people who are so narrow in their view of life they can’t abide anyone or anything that doesn’t fit within their known universe.

See, that ranting, above, that’s that down side of not having my pills and I’m so easily startled, and I jump every time I hear Moms voice.  I don’t want to be around her, and I’m rather pissed off at C.  She knows that I’m sort of just limping along in life right now, and that I still need to take care of my mom, does she call?  Of course not.  She left her phone at work so now if we need her we have to call her husband, as she informed us as they were on their way out to Kareoke….And she says I’m embarrassing?

I guess the biggest side-effect of not being level on my meds was the swan dive I sort of took out the garage door.  I had just come home from the dentist appointment that wasn’t, did some shopping and was going to snuggle with Sammy for a while before Mother got up.  But she heard I was home and was demanding breakfast.  I told her what her options were and she felt so put out that we didn’t have bagels left, and would lower her standards to English muffins and as I was going out to the freezer to get them, wearing my reading glasses, which really aren’t for wandering around the house in, I stepped on an aluminum can I didn’t see and slid off the step, I sort of caught myself, then at the very last minute I lost it and my left foot turned in.

So, yea, I’m still feeling euphoric from the shopping spree, but I guess I’m still a danger to myself without the meds.  They better get here soon, I don’t want to know what will happen if I go for two weeks without them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: