Met with my therapist on Tuesday and have been trying to plow through my homework since.  Homework.  It still makes me cringe.  She sent me home with a book called….

Necessary Losses

The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies, and Impossible Expectations That All Of Us Have To Give Up In Order To Grow 

At first I thought she misunderstood why I was there: to prepare for the necessary and eventual loss of my aged mother.  I explained the family belief that my Mom, Dick Clark and cockroaches will be left when the world ends, and that nothing short of a semi-truck will bring her down.  But she corrected me and explained the idea that sometimes we have to let go of a lot, losses in order to gain so much more.  I was game to take on a new reading project.

Dr. L seems like a level-headed woman.  Though she’s not of my faith she seems to know what it means to a practitioner and is willing to work within those parameters.  She indicated there would be things in the book that don’t apply to me, and I should just skip over those.  She laughs at my jokes.  I deflect a lot and hide behind my rapier whit….okay, these days not that sharp….but she laughs at my jokes.  She wants to see me in a week and have the book read as well.  I can’t color and write in the book like I like to do so, despite my financial difficulties at present, I ordered it.  Mom is talking like she wants to read it too.  I’ll have to be a little cryptic in my margin notes. {sigh}

I’m still a little apprehensive about going to therapy.  The uncomfortable intimacy needed for healing is something I run from as a rule.  I felt my anxiety climb with each passing minute leading up to my appointment.  I tend to be a little bulimic about therapy.  I feel if I can vomit out everything as fast as humanly possible I can get to the end and be all better that much faster.  I have to keep reminding myself; there aren’t easy outs, there aren’t quick fixes, there’s no running this time.  I’m in it for the long haul.  I’m getting out of the void.

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