It’s not all in my mind.  Yes!!  A lot of people seem to think that when I tell them my mother orders me around like an indentured servant, they don’t believe me.  Mostly because they just see her when she’s up for company and on her bestest behavior.  S and D were here to help me move around Mom’s room.  Actually, they had it pretty well done before I got back from getting blood drawn, but that’s not my point.  They were all getting along very well.  Then when I started to help orders started to fly at me.  S eventually got her to go to the front room where I made her breakfast and went back to work.

I whispered the question “How can you work with her ordering you around like that?”

Her response was rather shocking: “She just started that when you came in.”

I don’t know if I want things to change, honestly.  No, I don’t like the way she’s treating me, but I don’t feel like I want to go back to the loving relationship we had.  She hasn’t really treated me any differently, my perception of it was different.  Then she reminded me just how sharp her words are and it hurt because I had allowed myself to be vulnerable with her.  As long as she treats me like a hired servant I am comfortable with my decision to pull away from her again, at least while I’m trying to heal.  I thought building a relationship with her would be beneficial to me, helping her to have the mother that I need and helping me to be the mother she never had.  I think she needs to be in on this concept, and as stated before, I’m not willing to share.

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