I’m different. Yes, I’m still struggling with the same problems; depression, anxiety and anger. But I’m different. Even my sister who doesn’t really have much of a clue of what I’m going through (she even admits it to me outright, but she is trying) sees a difference in me. So, even though I’m still dragging my bum around from task to task, and I can’t get past hearing the characters talking to me and getting it onto paper, but I am improving. I think it’s stamina. I wish stamina came in pill form too. I know, that’s the lazy way of doing it.
So, I’m recommitted to going to the gym on Monday. The heat normally keeps me away so I need to come home and get into the shower and get my body temp down. I hate the heat. I want to move to Oregon or Washington where it’s rainy and green and wet and overcast like my personality.
Along with the aerobic exercise I want to start some sort of Yoga practice as well. I’m hoping the relaxation of the yoga will take the need off the jaw clenching when I get over-excited. I need to put my needs first. I need to stop putting myself on the back burner like I have been. Tomorrow. Remember that post? Tomorrow is only a day away, but I need to be more focused on today and taking care of myself today.
This blog is so self serving. It’s a auto-biographical, pep-talk, and quick expulsion of what is bothering me all in one. I feel so self-centered doing it, same with my journal. Therapy, psychology, all circled around the “ID” or the “ME” I’m supposed to be. You’d think it would make me more willing to do something to support their work. Here’s the catch, if I do it for them, I’m less likely to do it for me when I’m supposed to be through with the process. They are putting me first when we chat, I have to be able to put my needs/requirements/goals first. Righteous goals, healthy goals, attainable goals. Good luck to me! (Meant with all sincerity, not sarcasm…I swear)