I’m calmer today, so far. That’s saying it’s calmer because Sammy and I are the only two up, so that makes things a little better. I hope to keep getting up at the earlier hours so I can start getting all my work done before Mom gets up so I don’t have to work around her.
I’m still wanting to just be alone. To be completely cut off from the world and the people who annoy the crap out of me. I want to fall head first into the narcissistic vein in my soul and revel in it like the rest of my family. Yet, I’ve struggled so hard not to make my world start with “I” and then “Me” before “you” and “Us”. I plan on becoming a world citizen, not just a drain on the world as a human. I may never, ever make that big of a dip in the wide ocean of need, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.
What if, after the world turns for a new season in my life I find that the world pisses me off, I’ll find a new cause, but for now, it’s like the security blanket that makes me hopeful, makes me push forward that someday I will be of use and not a waste to the world. Now, I’m earning my wings to land on the world stage.