I wrote in my journal yesterday about 9 pages total, three of those pages dedicated to my minor journals (gratitude, love and hope), so in essence I wrote six pages about my episode with anger and how I’m dealing with it. So, it was in the forefront of my brain before I went to sleep last night. I dreamt that I was constantly chewing on splinters and spitting them out with this huge wad of phlegm (even the spelling of the name is hideous). I looked things up in my dreaming dictionaries. The splinters are angry words that I need to be careful of, and I have problems getting them out. However, coupled that with the imbalance in the humours, I’d say I have the start of a sub-conscious “Danger Will Robinson!” Only I don’t think I’d miss the sixty foot misshapen cockroach attacking me like the little idiot lost on a strange back-lot of Universal. I need to get the anger under control. Yes, I was extolling the virtues of sweet revenge last night, but I realize now I need to find a less physically destructive way of doing myself and opt for a more traditional way of getting even….Like retail vengeance. I go shopping and leave everyone else behind and not buy them anything. I might be able to get myself into that.
Seriously though, I know that I’m walking a tight rope right now with what I’m eating, when I do eat and my mental/physical health is. I can joke all I want but the reality is the extra pressure my weight, the depression, the anxiety, the stress of taking care of Mom and the other maladies I’m dealing with will stop being so easy to juggle and everything will fall down on my head. I need to think of me and be pro-active in getting things taken care of.
Sounds simple enough, but at the same time I see it as one more thing on my list and *poof* I’m stymied into inactivity again. Blasted!