Tag: fiction

Pole Sitting

I’ve done protesting x3 and phone banking x2. I like protesting and, strangely enough, getting flipped off by passers by. Pole sitting originally was planned for the art fibers group I head called Stitch & Resist to sit with me at the poling place and crochet/knit/embroider or just sit and witness the voting, but mostly to be there and record any ICE shenanigans. That was the plan, but I got tangled up in my calendar, missed meetings and it never quite got off the ground. So, my alternative was to sit in my car at a single poling place and watch for the aforementioned shenanigators and be there to record them from the comfort of my car. While I crochet. Nothing has happened as of yet. I was there from 7:45 am (after I personally cast my ballots) until about 2:00pm because my car didn’t come with bathroom facilities and I desperately needed water. My whole body goes weird if I don’t get my daily 160+ ounces. I’ll head back out around 4:00pm to sit at the same poling place…in the car. On my way in to the house for the bathroom I heard I was doing it wrong. I’m supposed to be a happy cheery shiny example in the poling place. Nope! I need the security blanket kind of comfort from my car.

There have been incidents with ICE at the poling places. Two to be exact. One the TPD was helping them which is against the city rules I’m told so if we see that again we need to take a picture. The other was just an empty ICE vehicle. Not scary, on paper. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to be a bystander who does nothing. This is rankling my anxiety – obviously – but that is the purpose of these outings. I’m trying to learn to be braver than I think I am. If I can slowly ramp up to something more useful. I’m tired of being afraid and hopeless.

We the people, I have learned, are not powerless even though the kakistocrats want you to believe we are.. Example: I took to personally boycotting Target with others in the US because of their involvement with ICE. I have found other places who need the money more than that ubiquitous retailer. In a SURJ meeting I heard they lost money. They reported a negative profit for the quarter. I hope they have it for the happiest season of the year too!

Through all this I have been listening to myself and what I feel comfortable doing, instead of just ‘pushing through’. Yes, it gets done either way, but I don’t want to go back to gritting my teeth and doing it only to boomerang back into the dark rim of the void. I am learning to say ‘no’ to them. I’m willing to push my limits and comfort zone on my terms. My New Years Resolution for this year was to attend a protest, do phone banking and go door-to-door. I still have to go door-to-door and I’m not sure that’ll get done before the end of the year. I do know phone banking is easy and you can have some interesting conversations but it is not for me. I don’t even know why it’s not for me, it’s just not. Most importantly I’m not taking it as a challenge I need to overcome, I can do other things. I am not required to do everything or anything beyond my capability. I am unique and I cannot compare myself to others. no matter how I compare with the capability of others.

Some of this new found confidence, I know, is from the “Finch” app. I’ve stuck with it for 161 days. I still don’t have any friends. Harlow is fully grown, she has an interesting wardrobe and a lot of cool decorations for her nest. Each week we are able to add tasks for the daily grind and I’m over 40 at this point. The thing is, I’m doing most of my morning things without thinking, I forget to put in my hearing aids most days but I know to go back and get them so I can grow my finch a millimeter more. This is a wonderful app. Does anyone want to be my friend (Harlow 7Q9WR39BGK)

Thriving In Action

This is my mission statement for 2026:

One of my action items to prove to myself I’m thriving was to have quarterly get-your-ass-out-of-the-house things to do. My first one was Between the Lines. A play in Castro Valley, CA which was directed by a coworker at One Medical. It was a sweet story of a girl trying to fit in and the characters in a book who were refusing to let that happen. It was a sweet story that touched on some deeper subjects like the importance of fathers in their child’s life and a single-mother’s struggle when he doesn’t. The importance of friends and acceptance in life. But in general, it was fun, well thought out and staged. I walked away from the play lighter of heart and desperate to be able to see better.

Saturday, the 23rd. I singed up to go see Mandalorian and Grogu with a theater full of rabid Star Wars fans. People dressed up and strangers talked to strangers. I won a trivia book for all the Star Wars movies. I am a fan of anything space based, I realized. I loved the TV show The Mandalorian because I would come home from work exhausted and sit on my bed and watch and episode or three and Sammy, who was pissed off at me because I was gone the whole day, would sit on the bed and watch with me. Not cuddle, just watch. I think she had a crush on Grogu: he was small and green too. It endeared the show to me. And the violence. I do love me some fictional, unrealistic violence.

I’m already planning my third outing, I want to go to the opera for my birthday. My birthday being in the middle of the quarter. I can’t afford the choice tickets my friend used to buy but I’m going to go to a matinee on a Saturday and hope there will be tickets available for the cheap seats at cheaper than face value prices. There is Manon and Tosca coming up for that time frame. I’ve seen Tosca but not Manon. I’m looking for a CD player at thrift stores so I can prep by listening to the CDs. I don’t use a streaming service and I mostly listen to books in the car, so my life has been something of a musical desert. I love the way Opera makes me take deep breaths with the arias and then float away on the high notes. It’s very calming.

I realized I’m picking outings where we are all there for a uniform experience. I’m not really ‘socializing’ but going somewhere without someone is a really big step for me. My sisters don’t like musical theater and science fiction/fantasy doesn’t really interest them. The difference between the the first two is the opera will have alcohol, which adds a scary element in the mix for me. I really never figured out why. You just can’t trust people when they drink. There is no argument you can make that will make me believe otherwise. But we are all still there for a civilized cultural experience. My last one might need to be to a Faire (Ren, Dickens or Psychic) where everyone is doing what they want and I need to participate in something other than shopping. If I don’t get a job any time soon, I won’t be able to participate in anything at all. (Sigh).

I’m proud of myself. Even if these are baby steps compared to what my life used to be when I was younger and not terrified of the outside world. I’m happier and safer in bed, but that’s not how life is lived. It’s not how to thrive.