Moving Forward

So, it’s been a while.  I go in spurts, either blogging, writing, journal-ing or binge watching Netflix.  Since my last update, I have gotten a job, broke my foot on said job, re-wrote a novel, worked in my company’s call center and am nowback into the world wearing heavy-duty boots so if I should miss a step and break something I would rather it be an arm or a leg or anything other than a foot.  Eighteen weeks in non-matching shoes is NOT how I ever want to live again.

To say things got bleak during those weeks is an understatement.  I was blessed by the women of the church who brought me food, chatted with me and lent me their knee scooter so I could actually get around on my own when I was home alone.   I also still had Moms motorized chair which got me out on a daily basis where I could keep a pity party bag of M&M’s on hand while I wrote.   There are times when I am still fighting the darkness, when I think about getting up and going out to strangers houses I hear this elfin voice in my head which echos in my heart I don’t want to leave the house.  It’s not that I’m agoraphobic, I’m not.  Seriously though, if I had my druthers, I’d stay home, in bed and write or sleep….basically just hide from the world.  The world doesn’t work that way…Hell, I don’t think anything short of an asylum works that way.  An asylum isn’t an option, my insurance doesn’t cover it nor would they allow me to bring my birds.

Moving forward is the only course of action for me right now.  It’s hard.  At times painful.  The void creeps up on me, and I convince myself binge-ing on M&M’s is the way to keep the darkness at bay, but I know that is the scared little voice in my head trying to keep me close.  I don’t know if ‘she’ will ever come completely out of the void and I might continually have to ply her with Lexapro to keep her quiet; one does what one must.  My goal for moving forward this month is to get my Soul Searching: House of Dragons out to a publisher I identified back in September.  They require an online presence.  Though I count this as an online presence I’m pretty sure it’s not exactly what they were talking about.  So, I bought pamelagartner.com (as such is my real name) and am struggling to figure out a way to get a website set up and hosted for as close to free as I can get it.  I checked certain companies that promise a free website, but they charge  you for hosting.  Then I thought I’d check WordPress since they do a lovely job at hosting my blog, and this is what I learned….Blogs and websites are interchangeable.  It’s just all in how you design it.  Who knew?  I’m waiting for a reply now to see if I can upgrade my bloggingfromthevoid.com domain name and also use my pamelagartner.com domain name for the premium price and if I can use the domain name I purchased from a different site.  I wish I had known then what I know now, but all you can do is continually move forward.