Who I Want To Become

Today I had a new motto sort of bubble up from the irritation from a favor asked of me today.

“Just because someone cannot be what I need them to be doesn’t mean I should stop trying to be who I want to become”


I wrote it down on a post-it note and stuck it in my calendar.  The more I read it through the day the more I realized what a blessing this is.  I get to re-create my life.  I. Get. To. Re-Create. My. Life.  Like scraping the barnacles off the keel of my soul and revealing the bare planks ready for a smooth departure into the future.  Well, smooth-ish, as smooth as anyone else can hope for in this life.  So, hope is returning.

The medication and settling into my own body again has opened up doors that I thought were closed off, More like boarded up and padlocked, dressers and bookshelves piled in front of the door just for good measure. Dare I say hope is returning?  I choose who I will become.  I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m daunted by the task ahead of me, but I’m hopeful.  


Why do I have to change?  Why am I the only one that has to be the nice one, the kind one, the polite one?  Why do I feel like I’m getting taken advantage of?  It’s not fair, it’s not right and I’m not going to stand for this any longer!


Okay, so I still have a way to go.