Today I had a new motto sort of bubble up from the irritation from a favor asked of me today.
“Just because someone cannot be what I need them to be doesn’t mean I should stop trying to be who I want to become”
I wrote it down on a post-it note and stuck it in my calendar. The more I read it through the day the more I realized what a blessing this is. I get to re-create my life. I. Get. To. Re-Create. My. Life. Like scraping the barnacles off the keel of my soul and revealing the bare planks ready for a smooth departure into the future. Well, smooth-ish, as smooth as anyone else can hope for in this life. So, hope is returning.
The medication and settling into my own body again has opened up doors that I thought were closed off, More like boarded up and padlocked, dressers and bookshelves piled in front of the door just for good measure. Dare I say hope is returning? I choose who I will become. I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m daunted by the task ahead of me, but I’m hopeful.
**WARNING: IMMATURE RANT TO FOLLOW**
Why do I have to change? Why am I the only one that has to be the nice one, the kind one, the polite one? Why do I feel like I’m getting taken advantage of? It’s not fair, it’s not right and I’m not going to stand for this any longer!
Okay, so I still have a way to go.